Monday, February 14, 2011

Anthropomorphic Fantasy

Have you ever said to anyone, “If I were to come back as a dog, I want to come back as your dog”? Or maybe someone has said that to you.

So you’re coming back as a dog, three spots are available. You get to choose.

Spot #1 is for a pure breed dog in the home of a rich lady. She is very nice; you’ll get regular meals and veterinary care. She needs a loving companion in her life, but she works long hours six days a week. Those days you’ll be put on the six by ten porch for an hour, then led by the collar back to the garage, where you’ll wait until after dark for her to come home. Depending on how her day went, she’ll talk to you as she leads back to the porch. On Sundays you may get some of her time.

Spot #2 is for a beautiful toy dog. The family is of modest means; you’ll eat generic kibble. The little boy will like to grab your muzzle to get you to show your teeth and snap at his hand. You must never bite hard or you’ll be smacked.

The lady of the house is in a wheel chair, when she’s depressed she likes to hold a dog on her lap petting while she moans in sadness. You will want to love her and be there for her. She has a dozen other dogs, so when it isn’t your turn you’ll be kept on a two foot chain with access to water and shade. Once a day, the husband will hose down your area. Each dog is on a similar two foot chain so you can only get to within inches of each other.

The only time you’ll be off your chain is if you are on her lap or if they take you in your crate on a family outing. The family can’t afford veterinary care, so don’t get sick; they will do what they can for you.

Spot #3 is for a street dog. The litter will be birthed in a banana orchard; half will die before being weaned. You will learn the dangers of the road, when you see the last of your siblings run over by a car. You will learn to hate cars. Geckoes and lizards become your first prey. Your mom will teach you to become a competent ratter. You’ll find a spot in front a fine house. At night you’ll bark warning when strangers approach. Any rat venturing close the house is dinner. The lady of the house provides tasty scraps. You’ll watch out for her family as your own, dedicated and loyal.

Days will be spent hanging around with other dogs or human friends. Sometimes you’ll go off in the woods exploring all day. You’re on your own, when sick or injured.

So which life would you pick, if you were coming back as a dog?

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